The Roasting of Doctor Ray

The four of us sit around our kitchen table a few times a year to celebrate our friendship, our pasts, and to bring each other up-to-date on our current events. This time is filled with laughter and lots of food. This event recently took place, and after catching up with each other, we started on Dr. Ray. You see, we are all his patients. Donna, Ed, Bill and I all had stories to tell. Needless to say, we all shared our doubts about this Click-Click man.

Donna was the “Mikey” of our group. She has always had a bad back and excruciating headaches, which would incapacitate her for several minutes. Prior to her visit with Dr. Ray, Donna saw a chiropractor that adjusted, readjusted and hurt her. Her description of this experience is hilarious, impossible to put into words. While adjusting he told her about a crazy doctor in Tulsa who laid hands on your neck and the pain would go away. They laughed. She told him she would not go to someone like that as she did not buy into “hocus-pocus” therapy. We all had a good laugh because she was in Dr. Ray’s office two weeks later.

After her first visit, she came to my house all bent over. I thought the worst! Laughing, she stood up straight and related her experience, giving rise to existing doubts. However, her back was not hurting and the headache was gone. Donna put Dr. Ray through a tough test. Click, Click, Click. During the second visit she looked to see if he had a clicker in his hand. Oops, no clicker. Then she asked questions-many questions. So Dr. Ray answered questions during the clicks. Talking and clicking just would not compute as logic determined he could not do both.

Enter Ed, as he was the second “Mikey”. He had been having back problems for a long time, but after he mis-tepped it became worse. He was not helped by a chiropractor. My husband (Bill) told him of Donna’s story. Soon Ed combined his visit to us with a visit to Dr. Ray. After seeing Dr. Ray he came to our house and related his story, which he told again at our Dr. Ray Roast. Ed too wondered about the clicks. He said to Dr. Ray, “Is that you or me?” “It’s you.” Was the reply. We really had a laugh!

Ed had some serious stuff to relate. He has a friend whose child had one of those alphabet conditions, ADD, ABCD or hyperactivity. Ed related the actions of this child and Donna had witnessed this child’s behavior on one of her visits. Of course the child was on one of the popular drugs, but not this day. One might say, after seeing Dr. Ray, the child has become humanized. The Mother brings him in from Kansas to maintain this state. The child is drug free and a nice little boy, not one you would want to throttle. Ed’s story about the boy gave us pause and our “Roast” became serious. I thought I would get us back on track. Besides, it was my turn. Click, Click!

I had known for several years that I had one hip higher than the other. In fact my Mother, who often sewed my clothes when I was a child, always remarked about it. Then, when I had my first massage I was told that one leg was longer than the other . My legs did not match! Oh yes, my friends had a really big laugh.

My click-click experience was dramatic! Since I knew the routine I did not look for clickers, but when I got up I was dizzy and could feel my blood rushing through my body. Things were really happening and I had all sorts of sensations … I had to sit down. Wow, what a high! I was a bit giddy. What had happened was Dr. Ray released a “rubber band like effect” that had been choking off the blood supply. These feelings continued for awhile and I felt heat in my spine while in my favorite place – what I call the dark room. I relaxed and enjoyed the feelings. Click, Click.

The next events took place. For the first time I can remember both feet were on the ground. Donna, Ed and Bill thought that was funny and I know you do too. But they did not have one leg an inch longer or shorter than the other. I was grounded. The next eerie thing happened when I backed my car out. I looked around to see if I was clear of any vehicles and my head turned with out my body turning. Scary feeling, two feet on the ground and a head that turns. Click, Click, Click. So they laughed, but I know they were jealous because they did not have all the fun that I did. Also, I grew an inch.

Bill, the last to go and still doubting, went when his back really hurt. He has a deaf ear and did not hear the clicks which was disappointing, since we had all told about them. That is when we discovered that you do not always lie down on the right ear. At this point, I was the only one! He did not get the relief after the first visit that we did, so his doubts continued. Dr. Ray took care of that on the second visit. We all agreed that Bill’s hard head caused it all. Click, Click! Bill took the jesting very well. The next time it was right ear down and he heard the clicks. He also experienced his head turning and that startled him, because no one had mentioned that discovery until our “Roast”.

Yes, we enjoyed debating about this and Roasting Dr. Ray. But everyone is better off today and wants to maintain and celebrate being in place, holding, not having back pain, and having both feet on the ground. Ed’s back is well, Donna does not have headaches, backaches, nor does Bill and he sleeps through the night.

My only regret is that I never got that “high” again. My blood flows and my head turns, and my legs match! Guess that is all a girl can ask from a Click-Click man.

Constance J.

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